just barely legit

Miguel's campground gets noisy so I decided to camp out in the Daniel Boone Forest and get some peaceful slumber before climbing the next day. Too my dismay lots of other people camp in the National Forest on weekends and a camp spot with a place to park was at a premium. After driving around till well after dark I settled on a likely place. No worries ,I can set up my tent and cook supper with my trusty outdoor store 30 dollar headlamp. The 10 dollar rechargeable batteries were toast. With the light of the moon I put my tent together and had a cold supper of cookies and water. The fried rice and lemon pepper chicken could wait. I crawled into my tent and 30 degree sleeping bag for a night of slumber wich came right away, with treefrogs serenading me. At 60 decibels. My blissfull slumber was interupted when what felt like a tractor trailer truck landed on my lap, crushing me and my tent. Lots of screaming and cursing and the weight was off me. I dashed out of my tent in my skivvies to see what the heck?
That's when I met the bear.
His breath was foul and we were face to face for a second. then he let out a noise I can only describe as the sound Chewbaca makes. I was ass and elbows outa there and up a maple tree.
I spent the night on a limb. I would doze and feel myself falling and wake up with a start.
This went on and on. In desperation I hung the waistband of my boxers around a knob and slept a bit. I awoke to the smell of lemon pepper chicken and fried rice. It seems Mr. bear had passed the night in my sleeping bag and was cooking breakfast while reading the saturday evening post.
I didn't wait around to see if he was going to do the dishes too.